One week in…
I came across this draft from a year ago, and for the sake of posterity I figured I would post it before moving forward and posting
• • • • •
September 1, 2010
It has been one week now that I have been an official Graduate Student, attending classes and actively engaging in the reading and writing that goes hand in hand with Grad School. I find myself consistently struggling with feeling confident and completely overwhelmed as I am asked to do what I never dreamed of doing, as I consistently must choose to schedule time for me and God to connect each morning.
This summer was filled with opportunities to rest and to reconnect with God, the creator of the universe. Times of unexplainable joy and laughter, praise and singing bubbling up from somewhere deep within me. These times were filled with beauty and reflect the desires of my heart, yet as school starts back up and the busy-ness of life comes flooding in from all sides, these times of beauty are in danger of being pushed out.
For me, this has resulted so far in a very intentional response. Time in prayer and in the Word each morning.
• • • • •
August 2, 2011
The year was in fact a whirlwind. It did not take long to pick up speed and reach its steady rhythm. The first semester went well, and it was reportedly the most difficult of the semesters in my program. The second semester was decidedly easier academically than the first, but I found myself committed to 50 hours of work responsibilities in addition to the full-time class load. With such a load, I did little more than sleep when back in my room. The rest of the time given to work and study. There were multiple times in which I seriously reconsidered my decision to accept the two service oriented positions, but as I look back the value of coming out of my Masters program debt free will be worth it.
This summer I intentionally stepped away from the busyness of professional advancement and sought to spend time with friends and family that I have been blessed with. The first few weeks I spent in Cascais Portugal helping my family in any way that I could, namely in an attempt to live life with and beside each of them. In July, David Degge and Abby Rix were married in New Jersey, so I found myself flying back to support them and celebrate the occasion with them. The rest of July was spent visiting each of my grandparents in their respective homes. In Montana, I spent several days on the Crow Reservation working with horses and serving as a handyman for my grandparents as I listened to their hearts as they told stories from their lives. Then to Star Valley, WY, where I was able to hear more about my Dad as he grew up and what my Grandfather deems important enough to pass on to future generations. We were also able to spend time being physically active, but it was not the important part. The thing I valued most, was the time being next to each grandparent getting a glimpse of what life meant to them – it was a beautiful experience. I finished my circuit by being with my grandmother and grandfather as my grandfather had part of his thyroid removed. It was unclear whether or not there would be cancer and both of them were a bit apprehensive. The good news is that it went well, with the surgeons not finding any cancer and with my grandfather recovering quickly.
Tomorrow I fly back to Texas and will begin the process of getting all of my ducks in a row before school and work start-up. The process is exciting, but I would be lying if I failed to acknowledge a bit of apprehension about all the ‘unknowns’ on the table. But God has it all in control and I have no doubt it will work well. For I know that “In all things, God works for the good of those who love him, and are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
Four Years.
Today I rediscovered my desire to blog, to write, to pour out a little of my soul to whomever deems that it is worth reading. My purpose or use of the blog is highly therapeutic, although I am a very big fan of the ability for those who show interest to be able to keep up with me as God continues to take me all over this world of His.
Recap: It has been four years since I made my last entry. Four years in which I have been through a lot, been shown a lot, met a lot of people and said goodbye to many. I have safely returned from Thailand, spent a summer working at Carolina Creek Christian Camp, graduated from ACU with my undergrad, and am currently writing on along the coast of Portugal, where my parents now live. As for the near future, I will soon be returning to Abilene to start a MA in Communication and work with Residence Life for another year. God is still leading me, I have just been forced to accept that He just seems to like giving my one step at a time.
As I look at the title of my blog, I feel the need to elaborate for a moment on just why I named my blog “…the ramblings of I…”. If you know me at all you may well already know that I don’t tend to take myself too seriously, I have no problem being naming the pink elephant in the room, and I have no false confidences in myself as being one filled with wisdom for those who are ‘beneath me’. This blog, as I mentioned before, is more therapeutic than instructional.
Awesome. So now that that is out of the way, I can perhaps give you a brief update on some of the things that God has been working with me on lately.
Over the past two years I recognized recently just how busy I allowed my life to get as I tried to take advantage of every opportunity and many responsibilities given to me – if you know me, you also already know this – in an attempt to consistently do my best, never foregoing an opportunity to serve, whatever that looks like. However, what that has meant for me is that I subsequently found myself with very little time to just enjoy life, to process my heart and my thoughts, or to consistently spend time with God where I wasn’t the one talking. The problem here is not one that is limited to an absence of that time either, it managed to permeate into every area of my life and caused me to disappoint myself and others, perhaps more than even I am aware. As a result of this discovery, I intentionally planned to spend the entire summer in Portugal with my family doing nothing that would be put on my resume or fulfill some prerequisite. This summer has been set aside for resting, for being alone, for being with family, and being with God.
Not that the entire summer has been spent reading through the Old Testament, but I have enjoyed a few refreshing ‘Aha!’ moments that have stayed at the front of my brain for weeks. The first ‘Aha!’ moment actually came before I arrived in Portugal, but while I was on a retreat the week after graduation. It seems that so many in our society today seem to think that they must be doing something all the time, never taking the time to truly rest and let our bodies and souls be rejuvenated. Instead we have developed this metaphor about our lives as though we are automobiles that can run and run and run until empty, sit still long enough to be refueled, and then run and run and run some more. Yet the author that presented this to me provided another model. Referring to those who walk with the Lord, in Psalm 1,
“They are like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.”
David uses the image of a tree to describe us. Trees don’t move around all the time, shifting shapes to meet different needs. They don’t have too! They provide both food [in season] and shelter without changing shape. They stay in one place, growing roots deep enough into their community to provide the sustenance needed to survive and to keep the tree grounded when storms come. The tree provides fruit in season, typically one crop a year, which means that the tree rests and prepares for the majority of the year in order to provide good fruit. Yet, in seeing this description, it is so contradictory to the image I have heard most of my life. Where did we get so confused? The bottom line is this, God designed all of creation to have periods of rest – God Himself rested – this should tell us something. My goal has been to intentionally make time to rest, in order to be fruitful as God intended. But my question, is are you getting the rest that God intended for you?
I am off to pack and then fly over the ocean to be on the other side of the world by tonight, modern technology is just amazing.
Will be writing more soon, it feels good to be back.
Adam
A quick update from the floor of KL
I am doing really well, I finally found my passion. everything here in Thailand is amazing, the people, the culture, the reality of spiritual warfare… the hand of God is so evident, I really don’t want to leave. I actually tried to etend my stay, and after a month of prayerful consideration I decided to stay if at all possible… mainly because God was asking me “what if?” would I be willing to give up a semester at ACU and with my family? THings started falling into place, everyone even back in the states that I talked to completely encouraged me to stay after talking about what I was doing at that time, the relationships, the discussions, the whole speil. I loved it!
My parents said that they would be completely supportive of my decision regardless, but required that I pray, read, fast, seek wise counsel, and give it time before I made any decisions; which was awesome because I had already done all of those and continued to do so as well as fast and just listen to God throughout that month… The only real reason that I am not staying longer is because even with a 90% chance of staying, with an apprenticeship being offered to me here, that if my parents did not support the decision, I would go back because my parents were put over me for a reason… and of course as I was so excited to stay, I ended up being told that if I didn’t go back to school within the first two days of class, I would lose my scholarships, enrollment, and with that all of my military dependancy benefits… SO I would lose essentially my life for an extra month here in Thailand… my parents said “it would be wise to come back…”
Looking at the situation as things are playing out, I think that in the long run it truly is better for everyone; I thnk if I stayed in Thailand now I would be distracted by the other apprentices and the trips that they are taking in the next month or two… I was able to successfully build relationships with many Thais, several of whom were only in th elasst two weeks… I was surprised by their willingness to come to church, to get plugged in, and to open up about who they are and what they believe. We had a pretty large group of Thai students/friends come to see us off, several were crying, several guys came up and gave us hugs (anti-Thai culture) and the coolest part was that almost everyone there was like a family. The Christians and the non-Christians. The love was there, it was palpable, and I could see it in the eyes of the non-Christians… they could see there was something more. it was beautiful.
Right now, I am sitting on a hard tile floor of the international airport in Kuala Lampur, waiting for my flight to Bali Indonesia… I will attend the Asian Missions Forum, then be flying back through KL, Bangkok, Tokyo, Dallas and then to SA… it will be a very long and very exhausting day or two of traveling, but I look forward to it.
There is so much more to be said, so much more to show you and try to convey (although I will never be able to fully), but I have rambled long enough.
Reflection…
I am doing really well here in Thailand, under constant attack from the enemy, which surprisingly doesn’t bother me much, it actually encourages me because it means that I am doing something right – this does not make it any easier to handle however. This team and this church have so much potential, and there is so much spiritual maturity here that it could do huge things. But get this, two of the three missionaries are on sabbatical, the only missionary left has had a bacterial lung infection for the last few weeks, many of the thai christians are getting involved in gossip, interns are mixing their priorities, and all of us in any kind of leadership role have things that God and Satan are giving to us to deal with on our own as well! two of the interns are actually engaged and they had some stuff come up to where they are questioning that…I have been struggling with Pride and how we can live and teach in a way that shares the love of Christ during the day with the Thais and listen to some of the things or watch some of the things that we listen to… we have a thai student who is staying here at the church with us in order to be protected from an abusive boyfriend whose father is a high ranking police officer… a thai intern’s sister is here with us because she is such a spunky and naive girl – just admitted to staying at a guys apartment and having sex, she is 14… just a million and a half things that are flying at us from all different directions and on so many different levels. Spiritually, Emotionally, Physically, even intellectually… it just keeps coming.
On a happier note, God is more present than I have ever felt him in the states, he answers prayers, he takes care of me as long as I am in his will, and he is teaching me like never before… or maybe it is that I am listening like never before… Right now I am trying stop, listen and discern God’s will for me in the coming months… if he is calling me to stay here in Thailand longer, or go back to school, work… I really don’t know right now. But since I have been here I have had this thing in the back of my head saying “what if you were to stay, what if you were called to stay…” and it has only gotten bigger in my head up until I talked with the missionary here about it a week and a half ago. We talked for over an hour, and I have fasted, read, prayed, sought my family’s council, and continue to do so; he is praying about it and we are going to get back together on wednesday to compare notes so to speak. The weird thing is that since I talked to him, THAT is when I started getting hit hard with very little things all the time; thoughts about our group here or people in our group here, it has been much more difficult for me to read the Bible as often or as avidly as before, and any time I can force myself to do so and stay awake, I have people here that come in and start talking with me or with each other right in front of me… (we all live in the church so there really isn’t getting away from it). I don’t know what I will end up doing, but am very content with where I am. I think God enjoys making us depend on him, makes us hold his hand and wait for him to move us when it comes to things like this. Right now I feel like Abraham when God tells him to sacrifice his son, then provides at the last moment, just in that I feel like he is testing me to see where my heart is, and he could take this either way.
Thailand is beautiful, the people are my favorite part – they are beautiful, smart, hospitable, fun, honest with themselves… it is just so cool. The culture is so rich with respect and taking care of each other, I just wish I could show you and my family and others how they act and treat each other so that we could learn from them… because here is is all about everyone else first, I come last, food is communal, clothes, sports, games are all shared with anyone who wants to join even if it is the worst athlete or you can’t communicate with language. I love it.
I need to ask for you to pray for me, specifically with the issues of Pride and the many little things that the devil is throwing my way, for the discernment needed to know what God wants of me, and for continual revision of love, wisdom, strength, energy and direction. These are what I truly need right now.
Today we are going bamboo rafting with some of our thai students and then will just hang out and play it by ear, but we leave in ten minutes so I am off to get ready!
Yay!
Hello everyone! It is saturday night, and this week has been another great one. We have been teaching english to about 40 students and we held an english camp friday and saturday for a total of about 40 people between our church and the Payap University ministry. The camp was a total hit, everyone had a great time and was able to relax as we worked on speaking english and developing relationships with each other. I have been taking many pictures, and will get them up in due time, but it takes a while to get them up and I have to go through the 500+ pictures from this weekend alone. I think the most fun we had and the best opportunity to bond was a slip and slide that Jeff and I put together that was 16 meters long, covered in dish soap that we used to play “sli-der” as they call it here. I promise you we played for hours, just running, sliding, jumping, falling, laughing, and having a blast. On Sunday’s there is a group of us that gets together to play soccer or futsol in a gym, so I am learning more Thai and able to get out into their world more and more. The more I am here, the less I want to leave… the more I see truth in things that are said about the US, the more I wish I could show people truth. – which is interesting to me, in that, I am here to do just that. I am here to show the Thai’s here the truth of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. an amazing task, and one that I am in favor of 100%. I just wish that people could see things I see, and maybe even understand things that I think or learn without them having to do it or see it for themselves. I have decided that the most beautiful people in the world are the Thai people… honestly I do not know that I have seen an ugly one yet, and their personalities and desire to help and please is absolutely inspiring. I am told that I can imitate anything that the Thai’s say – including this tongue twisters (check that out 
) and my biggest problem is trying to learn so much at a time that I don’t remember anything in particular definitively. I am currently debating about whether or not to go to Bali at the end of the summer, or to stay here in Chiang Mai for that week in order to spend that extra week here with the Thais. Please be praying for the Lord’s guidance in my life to that effect. I am also prayerfully considering going to Cambodia in July for a soccer/sports camp on a military base there, hopefully giving the Cambodians a glimpse of what Christian’s are; I am told that the Lord is doing amazing things in the Cambodian military, my only qualm is whether or not it will be worth it to go when I could be here with my students and new friends, or if I will need a change of scenery. Once again I ask for your prayers and guidance. The Lord is doing many things in my mind, spiritually emotionally and as far as my perception of Life and reality in general… I wish I could talk to my parents, just a good hour or two of conversation would be amazing right about now. I want to say thank you to everyone that is supporting me both financially and through prayer this summer! I cannot thank you enough, and while I am having a very hard time tracking down your e-mail addresses for personal messages; please know that I am greatly in debt to you, you have provided me an enormous opportunity in which to grow in Christ and to grow in understanding, not to mention the things you have done for the people on my team here, or the Thais that are being affected by us. I pray that the Lord would return your gifts to you ten fold, for the things you have done for me alone are priceless.
Sabbath
Hi everyone! I once again have been able to get onto a computer that is not having any issues. I hope that everyone is had an amazing Fathers Day, that everyone took time to think about and share the love with their Dad. I have been spending the last few days with some of our Thai friends; we went and played “slider” out by a power plant in Lampang on saturday, which basically means that we went out to a really steep set of hills and slid down them on pieces of cardboard, so much fun! It took us much longer to get there than it should have, but it was the most fun I have ever had on a six hour road trip; we played cards in the van and a few other Thai games, stopped and met up with the family of a Thai intern (Neung) and traded our van for their truck for the day. It then reminded me of Peru in that we had about ten people in the back of a little toyota truck on the highway! Our day was full of sweat and laughter, we all ripped or stained our clothes as we slid down the hills, and we looked amazing as we went to Neung’s Mother’s job to say hello. She was the cutest old lady, very nice, huge smile, and she was just incredibly happy to see us all. She works at a silk shop; so as I was glancing around at the different colors, types and pieces of silk with Neung, I asked her how much a silk scarf was, she said 100 baht (about $3), so as I went to pay for it, she interrupted me and told me that it was a gift, that I could have it for free. I was so impressed by this woman and the Thai culture in general, it truly is amazing. I will be teaching my girls again this week and I hope to get them to come to our Friday night live (food and fun based event) or maybe even our english camp that we will do this weekend, however I cannot say that I have a ton of hope for their participation this early in the game. I have been playing soccer with different groups of Thai’s this past week, both at the english camp and over at the Payap University, tonight I am hoping to get to play with the guys over at CMU too!Oh! This past week, I was talking with one of the ladies in the church about myself and she told me about a trip that a friend of hers is putting together to Cambodia; it will be a soccer and english-camp based ministry at one of the military bases there. The spirit of the Lord has been moving in the cambodian military for a short time now, and we would like to do all we can for them. I am still waiting on more details and contacts, but it looks like July 4-9 we will be there, the whole trip I am told will cost $200 and I am just thrilled at the idea!Last night we said goodbye to Kyle, one of the ACU graduates who was here to visit his brother for a month, I definitely wish he was staying, if it wasn’t for some wedding he had to go to I think he just might have stayed. Oh well, those of use who went to see him off hung out in the Airport parking lot for a while afterwards just talking and learning new Thai games. It is interesting to me just how the size of a group changes the way people interact. In large groups everyone seems to mill around and not really do much with anyone specific person, and yet as soon as the group is down to about ten, everyone opens up, the group typically separates into different conversations or activities, and everyone has a blast. Needless to say, we enjoyed our time last night. Today is our “sabbath” our day of rest, so there is nothing planned. I would love to go out to the markets or shops and just wander, but I am enjoying the quiet; I spent all morning on Gahn’s office computer looking up the HDR photography and looking at the new uploads. I just wish I could afford to get all the programs needed to do that to my pictures… I wish. I have figured out how to get all of my pictures available online for everyone in a free and highly accessible way! I got an account with www.flickr.com and my username is “abrowning” I will finish it up and get a link on here for everyone shortly. I am off for the waterfall with the other interns, I will do my best to get more pictures of us this time!Much love and God Bless!-Adam
Once again, my day has been long and full; I got up andran this morning with several interns at a local park, then was equipped until lunch @ Techno University. I came back to read and fell asleep for a few hours before teaching english class for the second day – it went wonderfully I might add. and tonight I have been attempting to clean out Anna’s computer so that it will be faster and work better for both of us, as I use her computer when I get to use any; tonight we went to an italian resteraunt here that was expensive comparably and yet still only cost about $3, the food was good and the main table had two of our students as well! Tonight we went out for Karaoke and it was a blast, we had a lot of fun. I will say however that there were several songs that I had issues with, and moreover I had issues that we were singing or listening to some of them. I seem to be tired, so therefore prone to thinking about what I am doing wrong or could do better in life, but I have beenstruggling hardcore recently with the line between being exposed to culture (i.e. music and movies) in order to relate to people, or the call to stray from profane, perverted and crude material in our lives. Our group recently watched Anchorman, and although it was funny, it was not the type of humor I want to dwell within me, it is not a movie I would want to watch sitting next to the King of Kings. I mentioned this to Anna this afternoon in passing, and had to leave the karaoke place for a while because I don’t know how to handle it. I pray for God’s guidance and direction, his wisdom and strenght, patience and mercy, that I may love the people and not the actions… not the sin. I just don’t seem to understand how a person can teach about the love of God and the importance of biblical values and then go and quote Dane Cook, Family Guy, or movies like Anchorman. I feel as if those of us that are here are masters of putting on faces, religious ones, social ones, and relational ones at different times depending on the circumstances. I want to be real. I want to be open and transparent. It hurts. It aches.
I know that these are issues that are valid, but I also recognize that Satan is using them to distract me from my purpose here. I must ask that you pray for me as I strive to maintain a loving attitude, a humble attitude, a content attitude, and an attitude that is focused on and bringing glory to Christ.
I have been reminded of James, the Russian orphan from Arkansas, repeatedly the last few days. Please pray for him and the way that God is revealing himself to him.
Blessings… Adam
Day 13
I must apologize for the lack of postage so far this trip. I have been remaining busy, it has been a week of campus visits and we already have more than 30 students scheduled for english classes through each week. We begin our first classes this afternoon, I can’t even tell you how excited I am about this!
This last week we have been visiting the seperate campuses for lunch meeting people, talking about our english classes, meeting students at the malls, going to see movies, to walking street night bazaar, and getting to know people here at the church. We did our first english camp this past friday and saturday up in Bakaow, a northern hill-tribe. I played with children, played soccer with some of the boys and had a great time sharing the love of Christ! On Saturday we went back to the school and painted the main sign and fences before driving the few hours back.
The country is beautiful, the people are amazing, and I am loving every minute of it!
Yesterday was our “day off”, our sabbath so to speak where we are supposed to rest, relax and recoup before the next week. There were a few of us that took lunch up to the waterfalls where we swam, jumped, and slid into the water for a few hours as the sun played hide and seek. Last night we just chilled at a local coffee shop, Nathan ordered pizza (definitely asian sizes) and played a few games.
Our first student just walked in the doors, so I have to urn, I will do my best to finish this tonight!
Day 4
Sawaatdee Kahp!
I am officially in Thailand, have been for four days, and am loving every minute of it! Over the last three days I have been going through orientation with the other interns, taking crash course Thai, and getting exposed to a few of the Thai hot spots around here. I have already formed good relationships with several of the other interns, many of the thais, and as usual I had a blast playing around with the kids at church yesterday.
On saturday, we were taken up the mountain (within walking distance of Cheung Doi) to a look-out where we could see over the entire city of Chang Mai to talk about our purpose and role here in Chang Mai, to Pray over the city and to worship on the mountain. A few of us took a small hike further up and had our quiet times at the base of some waterfalls, apparently that is where many thais go to swim in there free time so I am told that we will be up there fairly often!
Yesterday, a few of us got up early and went running over at a local excercise trail, we were there for about an hour running and excercising at little stations along the trail before church. we ran down to the 7-11 to buy a $.20 litre water bottle. (how cool is that?) I grabbed some fresh fruit from a street vendor for breakfast, and then got to listen to Larry preach in Thai! The sermon was funny to me, because Neung (a thai intern) was trying to translate for Nathan and I, then I started telling what he was saying because I had heard this sermon before in chapel, which meant that we got to listen to Thai for the rest of the service. But I really enjoyed myself, loved the sense of hospitality and love among the people; I played with all the children upstairs before helping Jeff with a midle school boys Bible study – which meant the missionaries son’s class since he was the only middle school boy in the church : ). Last night we finished up orientation, then took off for food at the Fahrang market, and some of us got a two hour Thai massage. It was fun, and the massage only cost about $7; from what I understand, our main objective this summer is to be a magnet and a bridge to the Thai people, then passing them to the church, so we will be doing a lot of “hanging – out” with the Thais this summer!
Monday’s are our “sabbath” in which we can do what we want to rest up for the week ahead; today we get to paint the living room here on the fourth floor so that we can finish up the make-over this place has received the last few weeks. I think it will be a lot of fun, and if we finish early we will have no problems finding something to do. I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying there summers. I want to ask that you continue to pray for me, my team, the people of Chang Mai, and the Thai people. It is an extremely daunting task to think of how many unreached people there are hear, and the importance of setting a solid foundation for them to stand in their Christian walks. Kop Kuhn Kahp!
Day 1
Ahh, well we had a very nice time in Bangkok yesterday, touring the city a bit, smelling new and different things with every step (no-joke) and trying different foods off the street! we took off for Chang Mai in the early afternoon and had a nice little 45 minute flight where we were welcomed by a little more than ten people from the churches, interns, apprentices and the two Missionaries. We essentially hung out and rested in order to get a headstart on any jet lag that may be trying to catch us, and ot to experience our first rain storm/flood of the summer! It really was a lot of fun; Nathan and I received a small walking tour from two of the city with the Thai church workers, Muai and Tiap. as it started raining, I was told what to say by the girls and invited a Thai man into the church because he was sitting on his motorbike out under the ovehang, and apparently I said it right because he responded with something new in Thai and laughed at my face when I tried to figure out what he said! Muay told David that I spoke Thai really well (for my first day ever), and I am really excited about the language lessons we will be starting.
Essentially we will have language lessons and bible study, “equipping sessions” every morning before heading out to build relationships with Thai’s around here and at the University. We have our first meeting this morning at 8:15, and I hope will be getting a crash course in how to communicate in Thai. This place is so beautiful! We are at the very base and start of the himallaya mountains, and everything is extremely green due to all the humidity (110%) and rain. The food is amazing, and the people are incredibly friendly and fun! I hope this finds you well, I am really excited about everything that is going on and can’t wait to find out what will happen this summer! I do already know that we are going up into the mountains on saturday I believe to have a devo up by some waterfalls where we can see over the whole city (and will be praying for it’s future) and we can also see a buddhist temple up on the mountains as well! I have already taken over 100 pictures, I got to make Pop-Pop proud!
