…the ramblings of I…

Reflection…

July 17, 2007 at 7:57 am (Uncategorized)

I am doing really well here in Thailand, under constant attack from the enemy, which surprisingly doesn’t bother me much, it actually encourages me because it means that I am doing something right – this does not make it any easier to handle however.  This team and this church have so much potential, and there is so much spiritual maturity here that it could do huge things.  But get this, two of the three missionaries are on sabbatical, the only missionary left has had a bacterial lung infection for the last few weeks, many of the thai christians are getting involved in gossip, interns are mixing their priorities, and all of us in any kind of leadership role have things that God and Satan are giving to us to deal with on our own as well!  two of the interns are actually engaged and they had some stuff come up to where they are questioning that…I have been struggling with Pride and how we can live and teach in a way that shares the love of Christ during the day with the Thais and listen to some of the things or watch some of the things that we listen to… we have a thai student who is staying here at the church with us in order to be protected from an abusive boyfriend whose father is a high ranking police officer… a thai intern’s sister is here with us because she is such a spunky and naive girl – just admitted to staying at a guys apartment and having sex, she is 14… just a million and a half things that are flying at us from all different directions and on so many different levels.  Spiritually, Emotionally, Physically, even intellectually… it just keeps coming.

On a happier note, God is more present than I have ever felt him in the states, he answers prayers, he takes care of me as long as I am in his will, and he is teaching me like never before… or maybe it is that I am listening like never before…  Right now I am trying stop, listen and discern God’s will for me in the coming months… if he is calling me to stay here in Thailand longer, or go back to school, work…  I really don’t know right now.  But since I have been here I have had this thing in the back of my head saying “what if you were to stay, what if you were called to stay…”  and it has only gotten bigger in my head up until I talked with the missionary here about it a week and a half ago.  We talked for over an hour, and I have fasted, read, prayed, sought my family’s council, and continue to do so;  he is praying about it and we are going to get back together on wednesday to compare notes so to speak.  The weird thing is that since I talked to him, THAT is when I started getting hit hard with very little things all the time; thoughts about our group here or people in our group here, it has been much more difficult for me to read the Bible as often or as avidly as before, and any time I can force myself to do so and stay awake, I have people here that come in and start talking with me or with each other right in front of me… (we all live in the church so there really isn’t getting away from it). I don’t know what I will end up doing, but am very content with where I am.  I think God enjoys making us depend on him, makes us hold his hand and wait for him to move us when it comes to things like this.  Right now I feel like Abraham when God tells him to sacrifice his son, then provides at the last moment, just in that I feel like he is testing me to see where my heart is, and he could take this either way.

Thailand is beautiful, the people are my favorite part – they are beautiful, smart, hospitable, fun, honest with themselves… it is just so cool.  The culture is so rich with respect and taking care of each other, I just wish I could show you and my family and others how they act and treat each other so that we could learn from them… because here is is all about everyone else first, I come last, food is communal, clothes, sports, games are all shared with anyone who wants to join even if it is the worst athlete or you can’t communicate with language.  I love it.

I need to ask for you to pray for me, specifically with the issues of Pride and the many little things that the devil is throwing my way, for the discernment needed to know what God wants of me, and for continual revision of love, wisdom, strength, energy and direction.  These are what I truly need right now.

Today we are going bamboo rafting with some of our thai students and then will just hang out and play it by ear, but we leave in ten minutes so I am off to get ready!